Written in celebration of International Day of the Girl and the #thislittlegirlisme campaign.
This little girl loved making magic potions out of rose petals and pretend tree-houses in the garden, drawing horses, and imagining. She loved animals, and reading for hours snuggled up under a blanket. As she grew a bit bigger, she was entranced by boarding school stories like ‘Malory Towers’.
This little girl knew that she definitely did not want to become a teacher, and as she got older, she thought that she might like to become a writer. She loved spending time with her friends at school and was rarely in trouble herself, but she knew that some of her classmates were, and often for things beyond their control. She quietly shared her pencils with those she knew didn’t have any. She knew that caning went on somewhere in her school.
She was never in the top set for anything, and she knew that she wasn’t very academic as her headmaster had told her parents that. They didn’t mind whether she was or not.
Her home was a warm, loving one, full of rescued animals and often foster siblings too. Whilst her friends went to Florida for their holidays, she spent some of hers in places where there were also prisons. This was because her dad was a probation officer and money was a bit tight at home. She was often gifted jewellery boxes crafted from matches made by her dad’s ‘clients’, and on occasion, cared for their animals when they returned to prison.
Her Mum took this little girl to visit hospitals for women who had been in residential care for much of their lives. She remembers the doors being locked behind her as they walked through the hospital, and the women coming up to her in their nightdresses, and stroking her hair, as they had not seen little girls in a long time. She knew that they had had a mum and dad once too, like her. Even nearly half a century later, she can recall the sadness in their eyes, and a tear spills from hers.
Although this little girl seemed quite shy and compliant and was a sensitive soul, she also had a strange determination that as soon as anyone said ‘no, you are not capable of that’, she knew that she would. One day, her parents took her to Oxford for a day trip, and although it was very different from anything she had known before, she immediately, and quite oddly, felt at home. This feeling stayed buried in the back of her mind…and it planted a seed.
The advice I would give my littler self: carry on believing in yourself. Even though your dreams may seem ridiculously improbable, you will find something you are so completely passionate about that it will become possible. Don’t waste your time worrying about the doubters either. Remember this is about the bigger picture. But always hold onto the kindness and take other people on the journey with you. Also, although they may be painful at the time, be grateful for the things have gone wrong. These are just part of your story. And they will teach you far more than the things that go well.
